Merry Christmas everyone! With the #1 gift for Dakota, I’ll keep it sweet and simple.

#1…

#2 Bugaboo Camelion

This is the Rolls Royce of baby carriages, the Bugaboo by Bas Kosters. It is the choice stroller of the Hollywood elite. The $2000 carriage is Dutch designer made from the latest high tech materials available. It can adapt to any environment and will make any Transformer blush. Nothing but the best when you think of the children!

#3 A real baby!

We all know dakota is pregant, so what better gift than her own baby! She has been wanting one ever since she was four when she was running around the house pretending to be giving birth to sister Elle. Now she doesn’t have to pretend!

#4 crystal encrusted M/M Potato Head

Everyone loves Mr. Potato head. Quite possibly the best toy ever made. Hours of fun interchanging ears, eyes, mouths, feet, ect, ect. These sparklies are $8000 each. Over 50 years old, Mr. Potato Head is probably the best invention ever. Mr Head deserves a Noble Prize.

#5 l.a.m.b. Bag

Ah, the super rare first edition gothic lamb Gwen Stefani bag from LeSportSac. It’s currently going for about a grand, which is toilet paper to Dakota. It’s huge so she can put all her pony accessories, cel phone, ipod, candy, lip gloss, toilet paper, waffles, and jewelry.

Six is a yummy number. Some people are scared of 666, suposidly the “Mark of the Beast.” Some think its just a play on Emperor Nero. Detailed third century Papyrus analysis show its really actually 616, so we are looking in the wrong place for satan. Written in Greek it looks like a scythe chopping at a man (which of coarse is Christ, because he can appear anywhere including, but not limited to, potatoes, chicken nuggets, french fries, fried eggs, wood, and fecal matter.)

#6 Kimono Ipod Case

All girls love to play dress up with everything, why not the ipod. What more fun to groove along than with 10,000 primped out geisha ongaku. This is perfect protection for use with the next gift…

7’s the key number here. Think about it. 7-Elevens. 7 doors. 7, man, that’s the number. 7 chipmunks twirlin’ on a branch, eatin’ lots of sunflowers on my uncle’s ranch. You know that old children’s tale from the sea. It’s like you’re dreamin’ about Gorgonzola cheese when it’s clearly Brie time, baby. Seven is considered the perfect number (7 days in the week, 7 tongues of flame, 7 spiritual gifts) and 777 is the number of the Christian god. 7th Heaven is suppose to be the highest, most devine level in heaven. However after doing some research, god and Jesus does not live there. So it looks like all the Christians out there got gypped, they won’t be able to sit in gods hand after all.

#7 l.a.m.b. Shoes

Ah, good old Gwen and her fashion spin off. We all love Gwenand hokum yet insanely catchy toons. All her harajuku accessories are like totally sold out everywhere, what’s a girl to do? With Dakota’s hookups, its as easy as bananas. Love angels baby!

Eight is a lucky number to everyone in Asia. Its like infinity, but without a hangover. Everyone knows that eight times the fun is better than anything else. And where is the food? That’s right I eight it. Ok yeah you should shoot me with a 8mm now.

#8 Bling’in Jeweled Cel Phone

We all know Tom Cruise got Dakota a cel phone against her parents wishes when filming WotW. But he didn’t give her the hookup with this Swarovski encrusted razzle dazzle Motorolla. Its the only way to spread the buzz in hollywood. Though i hear she likes to call herself all the time. Thats ok! Just call me! (866)457-9338.

On to number nine. I’m going the for whole nine yards (no not that stupid Bruce Willis/Mathew Perry movie) on this one. Thats right Im firing the entire round munitions, or whatever else the whole nine yards may have came from either the size of cement mixers, the length of bridal veils, the manufacture of kilts, the length of cloth bolts, or the structure of certain sailing vessels, whatevers.

#9 Pegasus Grand Piano

We all know Dakota is not only a great actor but a great pianist. Nothing says child prodigy like a $200,000 floating piano from the zilac galaxy.

What do we have here? The #10th best gift for Dakota. I really don’t have much to say about ten, other than it reminds me of TenTen (hmmm i wonder why), the little ninja girl with black hair from Naruto. She likes to throw a lot of weapons. Other than that, she’s a pretty useless character. At least she isn’t as annoying as pink hair Sakura. Always crying and moaning about boys. Get over it Sakura, no one loves you because you cut your hair short.

#10 Beanie Baby

These are PJ bears in the Baby Ty collection I have fondly named Identity Crisis and Mini Crisis. They are pluffy bears in bunny suits. On the soft rating scale of 1-10, they are Dakota Fanning. If these aren’t the cutest things you’ve ever seen, you can go drink some unicorn blood you monster!