So who’s team is the best? What team are you on? Well either way you’re on team FAIL.

Dakota on Jay Leno right before the snorefest.  Raunchy….

Jay asked some pretty dumb questions like what are the 4 twilight books. I can answer that: new moon, old moon, stink moon, big moon, small moon, drive by moon, black moon, no moon, jung ho moon, and you’ve got mooned. I know they said 4 books, but seymore will probably write another dozen that are as creative as my titles.

Just like out moon secretly having water on it, the secret here is that this is really a comedy piece.

I’m going to go ahead and sum up the whole movie. Warning spoilers ahead:

HOLY CRAP EDWARD BREAKS UP WITH BeLLA!!!!111!!!1!!11!!! Just like Angel. Poor Buffy. Angel gets his own freakin show.
HOLY CRAP BeLLA falls in love with SHARKBOY because every other airhead loves abs of steel. And the vampire thing got old 10 years ago.
BeLLA tries to commit suicide but EPIC FAILURES. Girls are good at that. Edward tries the same but realizes he can’t die because…hes in a movie. And movie people don’t die. Vampire or not.

With an IMDB rating worst the Kung Pow, bring some popcorn because throwing up stomach acid isn’t as fun as popcorn.

So they had a premier of New Moon at LA. Dakota was there in a black Valentino. Eleventy thousand crazies camped out for the event. It’s like Star Wars, but with a slightly less total cumulative IQ than a single geek.

Looks like the pa-pa-paparazzi have some sort of feet fetish…

Dakota is featured in the new Teen Vogue with some smashing pictures. What is Teen Vogue? Well here is the concensus:

“One of the few good teen magazine around today. It’s mostly for rich kids, but still a lot better than anything from Hearst PubliCRAPtions. Good features and fashion pages.”

Girl 1: Hey, did you read that story in Teen Vogue?

Girl 2: No, I like the mindless shit in Seventeen more. That’s why I dress so badly too.

Girl 1: Okay…

Dakota made Homecoming Princess at her High School. Lets hope she gets to be queen senior year too!

Finally some normal pictures of Dakota in the new movie.

Yes that is Dakota, no, I don’t know what’s going on, and yes that is a baddass Banana ‘70 Challenger.

You would think these were pics as Dakota as a vampire or something the Twilight Blood Moon. But you’d be wrong…

That’s right, Dakota will be in the next Twilight movie, a vampire romance series appealing to up-and-coming young women with a sophisticated taste in literature. Hollywood, being scared of anything original and thought provoking, decides it needs to snap up anything with a ISBN number attained in the last 3 years. It’s going to be exciting to see Edward’s (Robert Pattersons) emote of seeing another nice girl in school. Maybe he will poopy his pants again. Yeah, I’m scared too.