Naniaaaaa
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Pedophiles
Narnia criticism is getting quite intense. Almost every fanatical group has something to complain about it. Antichristians think its propaganda, Christians think the violence is appalling, fashion specialist think the queen is ugly and has dreads. Normal people, well, they think its just a movie. They are WRONG because its not just a movie. That would just anger all the unnormals out there, we wouldn?t want that, they might rain down allegory on us!
Then there is this scene were the character Tumnus looks at the little 10 year old girl Lucy all funny. This is upsetting many people who are getting a ?sense.? I don?t know what this tingling sense is, i haven?t seen this movie, but they must have been traumatized at childhood to sense anything funny in a movie from Disney based on a children?s book.
Also, don’t ever try the video game. It has graphics that looks 5 years old, absolutely horrible controls, clipping bugs (you hit something but nothing happens), stupid beavers follow you around but don’t do anything, and your special ability is you get to swing your brother around and around!
Here are some funny reactions from around the web:
Wow someone is pissed of…
“Child Actors.
The girls are in it for nothing but their crying ability. The guys aren’t much better. Godfvcking dammit what the hell I was frickin’ pissed off in the theatre!
I wanted so bad at times to just fvcking get up, throw my knife into the screen, and yell “GROW A FVCKING PAIR OF BALLS YOU FVCKING PUSSIES!!!!!!!!! GOD FVCKING DAMMIT!!!!!!! CAN YOU ASSHOLES DO SOMETHING ELSE BESIDES CRYING?!?!”
Not to mention the character of Phillip pissed me off to no end. Jesus what a fvcking asswipe. If I were his brother I would have executed him on the spot as soon as he was returned. Serves you right you fvckstick for selling us out for a bunch of sweets, you piece of sh!t.
And the oldest brother? Taking out minotaurs in the battle? Please. I’d take joy in decapitating him with a butter knife.
Then there’s the scene where they’re on the ice and the wolf has the beaver hostage and the brother’s acting like a fvcking pvssy with his sword and too afraid to be a badass and strike at the wolf. And the sister telling him to just put down the sword. Hell, I’d be like, “Yo BITCH STFU coward!!!” and roundhouse kick her into the freezing water.
And they had to pick the most annoying, whiny looking girl ever to play the little sister. All she ever did was cry cry cry.
“OMG *cries*”
“SHUT THE FVCK UP!!!” *takes her head and cherrybombs it into a wall* GROW A FVCKING PAIR!!!
And was there some pedophile sh!t going on between the fawn and her? She’s like 10!!! NASTY!!!
I read and enjoyed the books back in the day, but I didn’t remember the characters all being such pussies….”
- IAmTrout
“I guess I am not gonna watch it, cuz Dakota Fanning pissed the fukk out of me in War of the Worlds…”
-andylawcc
Aw common Dakota wasn’t THAT bad in WotW… Ok yeah she was.
“No, I’m not a perverted person who’s like, “All Mr. Tumnus wanted Lucy for was se.x. He obviously molested her while she was asleep!”
Ew. god no! oh GOD no!
Trust me, all the people who’ve been posting about Lucy/Tumnus bug the crap out of me. He wasn’t a pervert you loser -___-
I think that Mr. Tumnus and Lucy had a very good relationship. They’re friendship was strong, that’s the reason why he didn’t turn her in to the Witch. No, he didn’t lure her back to his home to molest her. He was doing the bidding of the White Witch and kidnapping her, but their friendship was strong and he helped her escape.
I just… I dunno. I don’t find Mr. Tumnus + Little Lucy cute… well, I kind of do, but I would never want them to get together when she’s THAT young. I remember thinking to myself, “In 10 years they should get married.” I really don’t care that he’s a faun and she’s a human. what difference does that make? does it matter if a white woman loves a black man? does it matter if an asian person loves an iraqi man? no it doesn’t, so why should it matter about this?
So yeah, i’m not one of those stupid people who were like “see the way Mr. Tumnus is looking at Lucy? He’s such a pervert!” HELL NO! I think, by the end of the movie, they’ve gained something deeper than friendship, but not that close to that kind of relationship… yet.
And yeah, I’m aware that they never get together in the books. I’m fine with that, I was just stating what I thought.”
- poninegavy24601
Haha this guy is almost as sarcastic as I am…
“Definitly not for kids.
Yeah, there were a couple of wet beavers there, and in front of the kids!!!
Mr. Taumnus was naked, as well as many other creatures. ”
-Word Trigger
Oh goody someone with a little sense…
“Being a humanist (read “Atheist”) I don’t believe in God, but I grew up with the Narnia books and British TV series, so I’m really looking forward to seeing this film. I’ve found the Evangelicals’ tendency to trumpet this film hilarious. Of course this film does promote Christian values - one of those is tolerance to those around you of different values, beliefs and backgrounds, which seems to have gotten lost on many Christians these days. ”
- cyko_10
“And finally a Christian who can hold some weight…
Certain people just won’t be happy until there’s a children’s book or series that is written with an acknowledged Satanic agenda. They have this kneejerk reaction to anything labelled as ‘Christian’ because it’s seen as trendy and a mark of sophistication to be anti-Christian.
They forget that without Christian values, we would still be sacrificing children under the tree at Winter Solstice instead of placing presents there at Christmas.
Sure, maybe there is no actual Heavenly father watching over us, and Christianity may have its bad points and some unsavory historical moments, but overall it’s teachings have done more to make the world a safe and comfortable place to live than any other religion.
The people who speak loudest against Christianity are generally those who lead very sheltered, easy lives with the time and leisure to criticize that comes from safety and protection of a society based on Christian values (all of Western civilization). If these people lived in a non-Christian society, they’d be too busy surviving to have time for deep philosophy on religion.
It’s kind of like teenagers rebelling against mean old Dad. The rebellious streak evaporates very quickly when they’re out in the real world struggling to survive. That’s why Christianity was embraced so wholeheartedly in 3rd world countries. They were very happy to leave their violence, witchery and benighted barbarism behind and take up life-affirming Christian values, even if they had to take the priests and church and Man-in-the-sky baloney along with it.”
- concerned_observer
I agree with Mr. Observer. Christianity maybe not be that bad, I mean we have it to thank for all the repressed, horny Catholic school girls out there. Thank the lord!
To spare you from 600 pages of reviews here is some thoughts from around the net:
“What is wrong with everyone?” (who likes the movie)
DarkSunRising from United Kingdom
“Film not as good as the trailer.”
MarsHill2001 from Lantana, Florida
“Shock and Awful”
xdor from United States
“Wardrobe Malfunction”
philconcannon (philconcannon@aol.com) from London
“Disappointing Movie. The book was excellent - The movie was terrible.”
TaZmAnOO7 from United Kingdom
“I want my hour back”
veneziablau from United States
“What a crap”
ireneusz80 from Germany
“The Lion, the Witch, and the annoying beavers.”
davoarid@hotmail.com from United States
“Sophisticated fur”
jvh-6 from Germany
“Trix Are For Kids”
dbrookfield
“Advice to Narnia crew: Cast Rachel McAdams as the White Witch next time!”
marcusbartlettonline from United States
“bad no matter the religious content”
Petra (child-of-the-North) from Sweden
And here is an funny thread I archived from IMDB: